Parenthood has brought me to the boundaries of bribery I never thought I would reach. “I’ll play E-I-E-I-O if you get in the car and get buckled,” I say after picking Sigourney up from childcare. This is the fifth or sixth bribe in the same number of minutes. “We can go home and see Daddy if you put your coat on.” “If you want to have dinner, you better put your mittens on.” “Get in your seat if you want to look at the book.” And in the end: “SIT DOWN RIGHT NOW SO I CAN BUCKLE YOU. IT IS 12 DEGREES AND MOMMY IS COLD!” Which is not so much a bribe as an ambiguous threat/frantic plea.
“I no want E-I-E-I-O,” Sigourney says in her whiniest possible voice. “I want Flowah Song.”
“Other song?” I switch to the next song. “This other song?”
“Yeah. Yeah! Flowah Song!”
I made the mix CD we are listening to. There is no Flower Song.
We skip from song to song while Sigourney skips from impatient to frustrated to angry. “NOOOO! Dat not flowah song!”
Thirty-three songs later we get to the Flower Song. Its formal name is, “Do Your Ears Hang Low?” There is no reference to flowers in the song.
This is the slow path to insanity.
In other news, Sigourney knows her colors now! Well — except for red, blue, and green. And purple.